My Birthing Experience:
A husband and father's perspective
"The birthing experience. What did I know about it?
The only thing I knew about birthing was what I saw in movies or heard from other fathers. And what I heard and saw was always that birthing is a painful and miserable experience for mother, father, and baby.
So going into our pregnancy as a first time father I wanted desperately for my wife to experience as little pain as possible and for our family not to have a miserable experience. But more than that, I wanted the safest option available. I wanted to protect my family and provide the best for them. So, with the little knowledge I had about birthing I wanted to be sure we had a few things that would keep mommy and baby as safe and comfortable as possible. I wanted a clean/sterile environment, maybe some drugs to numb the pain, some nurses to help us out, and an experienced doctor. I figured that the safest and best bet was at a hospital with a doctor.
Fortunately for us, our friend Lisa was a doula. I didn't even know what a doula was at this point. So when she offered pre-birthing classes, my wife got really excited while I had my doubts. And I expressed them to my wife through some questions: What does a doula do? She helps you give birth? Isn't that what I'm going to do? It costs how much?
The classes were incredible! I learned so much from Lisa. The thing that stood out to me the most was that there are other options in Korea for foreign families besides just a doctor and hospital. One such option is a natural, drug-free birth with as little or no intervention. This option was priority for my wife. I thought only hippies and psychos did natural births. But the more and more we watched these kinds of births and the more and more we talked about it and studied it, the more and more we believed that natural birthing is not only the safest option, not only available in Korea, but very possible. Lisa led us through many techniques that helped relax the mother so her mind and body would be prepared for the big day. It helped me to know what to expect and how I could best support my wife. We practiced, practiced, practiced.
Then the day came. And I felt calm and confident and supportive during the early labor when my wife's contractions were still at five minutes apart. Then the contractions got stronger and closer together. We called Lisa. She came over in a flash and very calmly explained the situation, advised us, and guided us as the labour got more intense. She accompanied my wife and I to the midwife's clinic helping my wife stay calm and focused on our baby while I drove.
The labor lasted six hours at the clinic with the last four hours an intense time of pushing. We hadn't slept for a long time so I was tired and flustered. I felt like everything I learned and studied kind of went out the window. It was as if I was afraid to say or do something that might worsen the situation. So when a contraction came, I became a silent pillar, supporting the different labour positions my wife practiced. Thank God for Lisa. She was there the whole time. She kept us up on the progress Soyon was making. She helped my wife with her breathing and focus. She advised us on what was happening and what was going to happen next. She kept encouraging my wife when my words failed me. She communicated with the midwife about the progress (she speaks Korean amazingly). Not once did she infringe on my role as husband and father but supported and advised me so I could be a support to my wife. She just seemed to always say the right thing and do the right thing at just the right time.
We had a big healthy boy. My wife got the natural drug-free birth she wanted. I got the safe and calm experience I wanted for my family. We had an unbelievably awesome birthing experience! My wife says she couldn't have done it without Lisa. I totally agree. Not only was she a HUGE support person for my wife, but for me as well. I couldn't have done it without Lisa either.
Soyon, John, and baby Judah Born September 26th 2010
Spider Doula (An Awesome VBAC)
"When I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I knew that I wanted Lisa present at the birth. My first child was born by unplanned c-section but I didn’t want a repeat c-section. Right from the start, Lisa was there to offer advice, options and support. She was able to recommend a couple of different hospitals and doctors who would support my desire for a VBAC and she was always there to answer any questions I had. Even prenatal appointments in Korea are different than in Canada and I sometimes worried about the process or what the doctor was saying. Lisa was there to explain things and reassure me.
My husband and I also decided to take Lisa’s Hypnobirthing class. Actually, I decided to take her class and I dragged my husband along! He was pretty skeptical about the whole thing but after just one class, he totally changed his mind about it and was completely on board. HE was the one at home reminding us to practice our relaxation and he was always enthusiastic about class! Lisa made it very easy for the husbands to participate in class and the whole experience was very enjoyable for all the couples I think. Although this was my second child, with my first I didn’t go through active labour (my labour stalled at 4 cm) so I needed to prepare myself for the labour and delivery. Lisa’s class taught us some very useful relaxation and breathing techniques and labour positions. It encouraged me to aim for a natural VBAC water birth and helped me to deal with and get rid of the fears and doubts I had because of my first experience with labour and birth.
I was due at the end of October but I ended up going into labour three weeks early. My water broke early one morning but my surges were not coming very strongly. I called Lisa later that morning and she kept in touch with me throughout the day to see how I was doing. That night at about 1am I felt like I should go into the hospital. Lisa accompanied us and I was checked. I was only 1cm… Because I was attempting a VBAC, had gone into labour early and have a rare blood type in Korea, the doctor wanted to send me to a larger hospital to receive a c-section right away. He felt that the risks were too high. My husband and I totally did not want this especially since the baby’s heartbeat was fine and I was doing okay! Lisa was right there to advocate for us and talk to the doctor. Long story short, at the last minute, because of her great relationships and contacts within the birthing community in Korea, Lisa was able to find me a midwife and a clinic where my desire to have a VBAC would be supported!
The stress of all this slowed my labour and it wasn’t until almost two days later that my surges were strong enough for me to go to the clinic. In the meantime, I was worried about the baby’s health and about my labour stalling. Lisa accompanied me to the new clinic to get a non-stress test and check my amniotic fluid levels. Everything was fine! Lisa gave me lots of reassurance and advice about how to get the labour going again naturally. Finally, more than two days after my water had broken, I went into the clinic. The whole way there Lisa was amazing!!! She helped me with some relaxation exercises, had aromatherapy going, and helped my husband know how to support me as well. I felt totally taken care of and safe which allowed me to focus on my body and the baby. I was able to get into the tub pretty much right away and ended up spending eight hours in there before our beautiful daughter was born. The baby was not in optimal position and the surges were very strong… I wanted to give up many times! If not for Lisa telling me I could do it and the support of my husband, I might have ended up with another c-section! She was also there to suggest different positions to get the baby to turn. My husband was amazing and supportive but I know neither of us would have wanted to go through this experience without a doula and specifically without Lisa as our doula!!! She not only took care of me throughout the whole labour, but she also made sure Justin was eating, drinking and taking breaks so that he could support me in the best way possible. At one point Justin called her “spiderwoman” because she was crouched and balancing on the edge of the tub so she could wave some lavender oil under my nose! We all laughed! Finally, after three hours of pushing, my daughter crowned. Lisa encouraged me to reach down and feel her head… AMAZING! When she was born, Lisa was able to communicate our desire to let the cord stop pulsating before having it cut. She stayed with us until we were settled in our overnight room with the baby all bundled up. She was absolutely amazing and we would not have had such an amazing experience without her support, encouragement, knowledge, skill and contacts in Korea.
Although this was my second child, I had a bit of trouble breastfeeding the first few days. Lisa was so supportive and very practical. With her encouragement I was able to establish breastfeeding very quickly.
Overall, the birth of my second child was an unbelievably amazing experience and a lot it had to do with Lisa. If not for her, I’m sure I would have ended up having a second c-section and missing out on the miracle of birth, and under water at that! I would highly recommend having a doula present during labour and birth and in Korea, there is no one better than Lisa!!!"
Kat, Justin and Baby Kelsey Born October 2011
Baby Sammy"I had a rather unusual experience with the birth of my son, in that we moved to Korea for the first time when I was 7 months pregnant. We didn't know anyone at first, did not speak Korean, had no idea where to go to a doctor or clinic, and this was our first child. We were completely clueless! Some coworkers who went to church with Lisa told me about her and gave me a business card, and she was able to meet with us almost immediately. She was very professional and helpful at our first meeting, and we immediately knew that she was the person we had been looking for and needed to help us through our first childbirth experience. She gave us a contract telling us how many times she would meet with us before the birth, but she actually met with us more than we anticipated, answered all of our questions, calmed our fears, and made herself available to us through phone and email whenever we had any concerns. She went with us to our first doctor's appointment and introduced us to our doctor and some of the nursing staff, and accompanied us on a tour of the hospital. We were SO thankful to have someone to answer our endless questions and help us communicate when necessary.
Well, my due date came and went, and a week went by. My doctor was hoping to induce at 41 weeks, but with Lisa's encouragement, I was able to convince him to give me at least 42 weeks before inducing me, because I wanted to give my baby plenty of time to come on his own! Finally, after two weeks past my due date, I made the very difficult decision to adhere to the doctor's advice and be induced, and Lisa supported my decision, and gave me all the information I needed to know about induction. Even though induction wasn't my first choice, I went into it feeling confident and very well-informed due to Lisa's support of my decision and encouragement along the way. If it hadn't been for her, I wouldn't have had any idea what I was getting myself into, and I probably wouldn't have had the confidence to fight for that extra week to give my baby more time.
On the day of the scheduled induction, Lisa met us at the hospital, communicated with the staff and helped us check in. She got us settled in our room and gave us a full run-down of what to expect over the next day or two. She made herself fully available to us for the whole day, and kept in constant communication with us by phone while we sat and waited for the pitocin to start my contractions. We waited....and waited....and waited. I was having mild contractions, but the baby was obviously NOT ready yet! After being at the hospital all day, very little was happening and there wasn't much progress, so I was taken off the pitocin so I could sleep for the night, and was put back on at 6am the next day. The contractions began almost immediately, very hard and very fast. Sometimes I had no break at all in the contractions, and it was very intense. Lisa came to the hospital as soon as we called her and said we needed a little extra help, and she stayed with me throughout the day, helping and encouraging me, as well as communicating my needs and wishes to the doctor and nurses. The contractions became so intense by the late afternoon and evening, I started to feel like I was losing control and my husband was also starting to panic, due to the difficulty and intensity of my labor. Lisa was so calm and focused throughout the whole thing, she is the ONLY reason I made it through the entire day, still insisting on continuing with an extremely difficult labor. Finally, later in the evening, after a full day of extremely close-together and painful contractions, a very slow labor process, and me still not dilating as far as would be expected at that point, I decided I had had enough, and there was a concern about the baby's heart rate starting to go up. In an incredibly difficult decision I had to make again, I decided, much to my disappointment, that I was ready for a C-section. Again, even though it was a huge disappointment and such a difficult thing to give in to, Lisa supported my decision and again encouraged and helped me through the whole thing. Not only that, but she was able to talk my husband through the labor and surgery and be a support for him in a very scary and intense situation. I was so thankful for this amazing support!
FINALLY, after 2 extremely difficult and painful days, our beautiful, precious son Sammy was born, and he was perfect in every way! I immediately fell in love with him and no longer cared that my birth experience wasn't perfect, or even close to what I was expecting. I was just so incredibly happy that Sammy had arrived, and that he was safe and healthy. Amazing! After my surgery, we had to stay in the hospital for 6 more days, and Lisa came to check on us and help us communicate with the staff every day. She also gave me help and support with breastfeeding, which was a huge struggle for me.
If it had not been for Lisa, we would have felt alone and isolated through the whole experience. With my very difficult labor and surprise C-section, I can't imagine how we could have survived without the incredible care, support, and communication Lisa provided for us. Not to mention all the information she provided us with long before the birth, boosting our confidence about making decisions along the way. I HIGHLY recommend Lisa to anyone seeking doula services and have more good things to say about her than I can fit in this letter. She is amazing, and a total God-send for us. We feel so blessed that she could be such an important part of our experience!"
Christine, Eric, and Baby Sammy Moore Born October 15th, 2010
